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Love has no boundaries! - Lies, pure lies!

Writer's picture: Serena ReillySerena Reilly


NOUN

boundaries (plural noun)

1. a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.


Generally, we don’t have issues keeping boundaries in place for the people we don’t like.


We may decide to keep our distance and if we are smart we ensure we don’t get caught up in the situations and conversations that drive us mad.


What do we do when it comes to those that we care about and those that we love?


Yes, blink again all you like, the lines get blurry.


We put ourselves on the line time and time again and then blame other people for how it negatively impacts us.


Now I’m not here to preach when it comes to creating and keeping boundaries firmly set in place. As if a one size fits all approach exists here. I have made so many mistakes both personally and professionally and I understand how hard it can be.


Boundaries just like the definition suggests, is a line that marks the limit of an area.

Setting personal and professional boundaries aims to do the very same thing… draw the invisible line that is not to be crossed by us or the other person.


So why is it that being liked has become so damn important that boundaries are crossed and indeed often never set in place at all.


Think about that for a moment….think about when people have crossed your dividing line and you have chosen to say or do nothing and spend the rest of the day either kicking yourself for keeping shtum or taking it out on others around you. Either way it doesn’t feel good.


We have all been here at times and as we meet and welcome new and different people into our lives we can expect this to continue.


Here are a few things that you might consider to support you in building and maintaining healthy boundaries:

1. What are your boundaries? These will vary depending on the person and relationship but take a look at what they are.


2. Have you communicated these boundaries? You can be subtle you don’t need to feel like you are dictating the terms of a relationship, but you can say things such as: I don’t like talking about them things. I don’t enjoy going there. That’s not for me..

You get the picture 😉


3. Once communicated, can you hold them in high regard? Telling someone once may be enough for your boundaries to be made clear but trust me that won’t always be the case. Tell a child something that you don’t like and watch how many times you may need to repeat yourself! Can you prioritise yourself enough to give a reminder of where your boundaries lie? Or to remove yourself from a situation that crosses your boundaries?

4. You never have to justify them. You can choose to explain why they exist if you want to but you never have to justify them, base them on how they make you feel. The rest is irrelevant to others.

5. Perhaps you need to learn the art of saying No and being comfortable enough to do this. Revisit this blog post https://www.thefutureyoudeserve.com/post/___no for some helpful tips.


If you struggle in making and maintaining boundaries, I understand that you may need more than just those five points above but let them serve you as a starting point.


Spend some time observing the boundaries around you… for example you may say to yourself….I wouldn’t say that to them they would go mad. I would not ask them I know what they would say.


These are examples of where the person has communicated quite clearly where their boundaries lie. Observe and learn from these situations.


My personal pet hate is gossip, I can’t tolerate it at all. I have no interest in hearing about other people unless it’s to tell me how well they are getting on not run them down.

I have friends that love gossip and enjoy nothing more than having a chat about others. I have always hated this, but I have only in recent years been able to hold this boundary in place without being afraid that I might be the topic of their next gossip session.


Here’s how I manage, I don’t ignore these people or exclude them as my friends but I say things like:

"Ah sure let them at it."

"I’d do well to worry about my own health/family/children etc."

"Tell me how YOU are I have no interest in that person."


You and your boundaries are as relevant as anyone else and keeping yourself happy is as important as doing it for everyone around you.

These dividing lines are created for protection, and you should be comfortable with them and uphold them at all costs. You can expect relationships and interactions to improve and your confidence to increase as your self-awareness and self-management skills grow.


Thanks for reading, all feedback is welcome and if you would like some more individual support here please take a look at a 6 week self guided course where we can work on this specific area or some 1:1 coaching sessions to support you in navigating your way towards the future you deserve.


Much love,

Serena xxx

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